


Reflections

by Rainingsun02811



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Mini Fic, Not Happy, Vader's thoughts on his kids, mostly thoughts on Leia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-08-26 09:30:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16679011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainingsun02811/pseuds/Rainingsun02811
Summary: A series of four shorts surrounding Darth Vader's and Anakin Skywalker's internal struggle with his children, and one with Leia's struggle to accept them as a part of her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, this is a short series of five ficlets that I will be publishing in the next few days. This is canon compliant and isn't very happy, so if you were coming for feels you're in the wrong place. Otherwise please enjoy! Remember to come and say hi on Tumblr!

Princess Leia Organa had always reminded Darth Vader of Padme, always digging up those old, painful memories from the deepest parts of his soul.  They burned him to look at her.  It burned his unfeeling limbs to touch her and steady her body as she watched in horror as Alderaan vanished from existence.

Her scream resonated in the force, and within himself, sounding too familiar to another’s he still remembered from years ago.

She fought his grip, and then abruptly slumped in defeat.  And for the briefest of moments, he let her lean on his cold mechanical body and forced a false calm over his mind.  Underneath, however, Anakin Skywalker screamed at the pain in the force, the loss of life, the hole created.  _Look at her!_   He screamed in his mind, _we’ve felt her before, inside Padme, we dreamed of her as an infant in our arms!_ His younger self was on the shore of the lava river, waving his arms emphatically, blue eyes ablaze.

The white and grey surfaces of the Death Star gradually faded away.

His eyes briefly flashed to the girl under his grip, her hair and eyes were exactly the color of Padme’s, but it was a coincidence and nothing more, of that he was sure.  Dark hair and dark eyes were common anyway. 

 _No,_ Darth Vader said taking in a mechanical breath.   _Our daughter died with, **her.** She couldn’t have survived, you saw the body, why would our Master lie to us?_  His black-clad form stood opposite to his younger self's form.

 _But what if he did,_ Anakin said, his voice broken, resonating in the force, and repeating a broken record.  _But what if our little girl survived and they faked it, she could be right here, our angel right **here!**_ The words rang with truth.  This wasn’t the first time this conversation had happened.  It happened every time he was in proximity to the girl, especially after she had been tortured earlier after he probed her mind. 

Tears rolled down his twin’s face, blue eyes shining.  Darth Vader could almost see _his_ reflection in the glass, the red-rimmed blue eyes, and could almost feel the rawness in his throat from shouting.  Almost.

 _NO._ Darth Vader roared back, he refused to believe it. He wouldn’t believe it.  He wouldn’t torture himself like that with false hope and false light.  His heart rate skyrocketed as he marched forward towards his younger self. _She’s dead, Padme is dead, and so are you!_   He shoved Anakin underneath the lava of emotion in his mindscape once more, smothering his cries.  His body burst into flames and a single, pure white butterfly flew off into the distance.

Darth Vader’s words rang hollow in the force.  He refused to acknowledge it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Darth Vader faces that nothing is as it seems with Palpatine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Set in the Darth Vader Comic when he first learns Luke’s last name.

“Skywalker,” the glass in the star destroyer shattered, scattering the stars around him into a trillion lights, the pressure from the gas inside the ship and support structure was the only thing keeping it in place.  The door shut behind him with a _snap-hiss._

_He lied,_ was all Darth Vader could think, he felt blood rush to his ears.  _Palpatine lied to me.  He lied to me about Padme, about our child._   He squeezed his prosthetic hand tighter.  The force churned around him, boiling, pulling him further into his own dark musings.  He couldn't remember being _this_ angry since Mustafar all those years ago.  _Obi-Wan stole him from me,_ he thought his breaths increasing.  _He stole my wife and my child from me, and Palpatine lied to me._   The cracks spread further.  _He lied about my angel, he lied that she was completely gone and Obi-Wan Stole that from me._   His mind was scorching, but a small, an infinitesimally small part reeled.

A part he _never_ fully extinguished.  _Anakin._   He thought, he hated that he couldn’t extinguish this one part of him.

The young man in him was relieved that it was at least Obi-Wan that took his child, _Padme’s_ child, the last breathing untainted part of her, away.  _He saved him, he saved some part of her, of Padme, our Angel.  Some part of her lives on._   It made him simultaneously disgusted and relieved, _he even trained him for us_.  _Some of her light lives on_.That brought him to his knees, tears stung his eyes, and Anakin’s hope almost won.

_He stole them away._   He replied firmly, but even that didn’t stop the churning in his gut.

Darth Vader steeled himself, banished the traitorous thoughts to the back of his mind, locked them in a box, and cast it into the deepest parts of himself behind durasteel shields.  Palpatine could not know what he was thinking. 

One last thought slipped through, _he could have lied about the number of children as well._   It made his black-clad form still.

_No, Skywalker is our son, we never had a daughter she was a fantasy,_ he thought.  A cold rage settled over him as he stood up.  _Palpatine will pay._

He steeled himself as the part of him that was still human wept as it burned.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A snippet of Vader's thoughts on Bespin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Set during the Empire Strikes Back

“Skywalker has just landed, my lord.”  One of the many officers said, his grey uniform stained red from the light.

“Good.  See to it that he finds his way here.”  Darth Vader said, his gaze flickered briefly to Leia Organa.

It scorched a part of Darth Vader to cause Leia Organa such pain, especially when she looked like Padme with her face contorted as Han Solo was frozen in carbonite.  He couldn’t deny her features, the way her eyes were steeled, or how it seemed she looked not at him, but _through_ him to his very core and looked as if she were about to cry out Padme’s last words.

_Ani, you’re breaking my heart…_

She was quiet, but in the force, she was a swirling storm.

Their eyes connected, and for the briefest of moments, he let himself entertain the thought that he had two children, that the one that haunted his dreams when he was younger wasn't a fantasy, that maybe _just maybe_ Anakin was right.  He forced himself still.  He would not give in to sentimentality, Anakin be damned.

_I have only one child,_ he reminded himself, shoving down his inner musings.  _It was just a dream nothing more._

_They weren’t, and you know it!_ Anakin fired back, his voice almost pleading.

_No,_ Darth Vader forced himself to the situation at hand, _Luke is our child, he will join us._   Entertaining the idea had been a mistake, it only bridged the gap between him and Anakin, made the light that much stronger.

_You know she is, we’ve **always known!**   Take her with you and see if I’m right, if she’s ours and Padme’s she’ll escape, she’ll find a way, no harm will be done._  Anakin said.  Darth Vader felt himself cave.  _She evaded you like oil in water when you invaded her mind._

_Fine,_ he relented.  “Calrissian, take the Princess and the Wookie to my ship.”

“You said that they would be left here under my supervision!”  Lando said, sounding almost desperate.

“I am altering the deal, pray I don’t alter it any further.”  Darth Vader said and after a moment walked off.  Some part of him hoped that she would escape, _Anakin_ hoped she would escape, but that would also mean he most likely _tortured_ his own daughter.  _Another sin to add to the list if you are right._   His self-hatred deepened like a never-ending ocean.

 


	4. Chapter 4

It all clicked now, and his hatred for Palpatine solidified.  _Anakin was right, **I** was right, they were ours._  He had realized this as he fought Luke, who had unknowingly projected his worry and concern for his sister, _his sister_ , into the force.

The dreams, visions, of his daughter in his arms as he rocked her to sleep with lullabies from his mother hadn’t been fantasies, they had been _real_.

It brought back something he hadn’t felt in a long time, _joy._   Simultaneously it brought on an unearthly hatred for Sheev Palpatine.  He had known for years since he first learned of Luke's existence since he first fell, that he was going to betray Palpatine.  Even when he naively thought that Padme and Obi-Wan would join him in his quest, he knew he would betray his Master.

He had realized what he had done when he heard Luke's screams from the electricity coming from the Emperor's fingers and two halves of himself became _one._   He was tired of fighting, himself, fighting Anakin, fighting the reality that he had created with his own bare hands, and fighting the reality that he mutilated the world and both of his children.  _I desecrated her, my angel._ He thought, _I almost cut my son down in anger, I tortured my daughter, I slaughtered billions and for what?  So, I could become a slave once again? **No.**_   So, he grabbed the Emperor, enduring the pain of Sith lightning, and threw him down the reactor shaft.  Luke had dragged him to the edge of his ship parked in the nearest hanger bay afterward.

“Luke help me take this mask off.”  He pleaded as he lay there dying in his son’s arms.

“But you’ll die!” Luke was frantic.

“Nothing can stop that now,” he took in a ragged breath.  “Just for once,” his suit was failing, it hurt to breathe, “let me look at you with my own eyes.”

The mask slid off with Luke’s careful help.  A gasp escaped Anakin, _he has Padme’s eyes, not the color but they’re **her eyes.**_ Anakin’s eyes flickered to Obi-Wan behind him.

“Now go my son, leave me.”

"No, you're coming with me.  I’ll not leave you here, I’ve got to save you.”

“You already have Luke.  You were right, you were right about me.  Tell your sister you were right.” _Tell her I love her, remember that I love you, remember that I love both of you._

A final smile came to his face as he died in his son’s arms.


End file.
